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Natasha Bedingfield’s “Pocketful of Sunshine” Being Tested As Coronavirus Vaccine

Could a pop songstress have had the cure to our Coronavirus woes all along? Some American scientists seem to think so! 


After turning their backs on the global effort to develop and distribute a COVID-19 vaccine due to beef with the WHO, the United State decided to take a novel approach to medical experimentation. 


Jeff Deer, a spokesperson for the White House, says, “Of course we’re committed to crushing The Rona, but we don’t want to do it the Chinese way. We want it the right way: the American way. And what’s more American than a good, old fashioned pop song?”


For those who lived under a rock during the year 2008, English singer-songwriter Natasha Bedingfield released the catchy and nearly inescapable top 10 hit “A Pocketful of Sunshine.” The song features the lyrics “I got a pocket, got a pocketful of sunshine/I got a love, and I know that it’s all mine” and “Oh, oh whoa.” It’s said to be about “going to a familiar place when you’re in that situation that you want to escape from,” but some Americans on the frontline of Coronavirus research, having rediscovered the song after getting high and putting on an old high school mixtape CD, had a different idea.


“Do what you want, but you’re never gonna break me/Sticks and stones are never gonna shake me/No, oh whoa?” asks Peter Pemdas, one of the scientists testing this theory, which is being called Operation Unwritten. “Sounds like whatever’s in that pocket is pretty powerful, medicinal stuff. That’s the kind of strength we need to put a stop to this pandemic and we won’t rest until we’ve found it, reproduced it, and made America great again.”


President Trump signed an executive order allowing this unlicensed scientific task force to raid Bedingfield’s Los Angeles home and take any item she owns that has pockets, all of which will be tested for the titular sunshine. 


Trump marked the occasion with a tweet that read, “Face it! Miss. Natasha appeared on that snooze-fest The New Celebrity Apprentice with that ratings bomb Arnold “got swamped” Schwarzenegger. Knew there was something nasty about her. Never liked her. Figures she’s hiding the Corona Cure. I like her music 25% less now.” 


Bedingfield, wearing the only pocketless article of clothing she owns – her 2009 wedding dress – was left shocked, cold, and downright confused. 


By: Timothy Janovsky

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