Guess What Kids, The Easter Bunny Isn’t Real – And Neither Is Ethical Consumption Under Capitalism
Easter is a holiday filled with chocolate, flowers, and the blood of innocents.
You heard me. A giant anthropomorphic rabbit who hides eggs filled with treats for young children to find on one specific day every year? Give me a break. I bet you think oil companies actually care about the environment like they say they do in the ads.
What are you kids, like, five years old? That’s old enough to hear about the systemic exploitation of workers by the oligarchic ruling class that makes up the wealthiest part of our society. Here – take some pamphlets. Stick one of these in that copy of Atlas Shrugged I saw on the dashboard of that Lexus. Who keeps that book in their car anyway? Tasteless.
Hey – hey, stop crying. If your parents didn’t want me taking off the head of this ridiculous bunny costume to smoke a cigarette they should have paid me more. You should be thanking me for this. I’m doing you a service. Now you can start to see through all the thinly veiled lies your masters will try to feed you throughout your life. Tooth Fairy, Santa Claus, corporations that pay their fair share in taxes – all fictional.
Pay attention little comrades, it’s impossible to exist in a capitalist system without participating in and funding the exploitation of vulnerable people. Just like it’s impossible for a massive hare to exist solely to fill and hide plastic eggs.
But hey, just because it’s the system we have right now doesn’t mean it’s the only viable option. You might not know it yet, but you kids have the power to change all this. It won’t be easy and it won’t be quick. Yet if you’re loud, passionate, and refuse to be ignored – then you can make this cruel world a better place.
Now for real, which one of you kids can sneak in there and grab some money from a purse or something? Easter Bunny’s only making minimum wage.
-A Well-Mannered Grump