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Facebook News Feed Compiled Completely of Thoughts of People You Actively Avoid in Real Life.

Facebook News Feed Compiled Completely of Thoughts of People You Actively Avoid in Real Life.

The, World Wide Web

There are 2.37 billion active Facebook users in the world, 183 million in the United States alone, and yet somehow every individual our experts sat down with seem to only see the posts of the 8-12 people they actively avoid in real life?

Facebook News Feed Compiled Completely of Thoughts of People You Actively Avoid in Real Life.

After analyzing our exhaustive research we found three categories most posts and users can be sorted into.

1. The High School Acquaintance

Common Characteristics:

  • Live in your home town.
  • Post 5X Daily
  • Certain they’ve discovered every viral video/meme before everyone else and has a DUTY to share them with the world.

When They Are At Their Most Dangerous:

  • 12:00PM-12:30PM. They’re likely on lunch break and have been jonesing for a good baby Yoda share for hours. Be on the lookout for this and protect yourself by reading a book and educating yourself during your lunch break.
The High School Acquaintance

2. The Activist

Common Characteristics:

  • Click-bait junkie, shares polarizing headlines but never reads the article.
  • Most likely to start a fundraiser.
  • Certain they have higher moral standards than the rest of the world.

When They Are At Their Most Dangerous:

  • 3:00AM-4:00AM. Ahh yes, beware of this creature in the wee hours of the morning. They are likely riddled with anxiety from the crumbling world around us and need to enlighten the public before being able to fall asleep.

Finally, and perhaps the most dangerous of all those likely to ambush your news feed…

The Activist

3. The Artist

Common Characteristics:

  • Has great show coming up with the most amazing and cast and mostset amazing friends. Their life is clearly better than yours.
  • Has worked sooooo hard to understand a complex world by playing pretend and they have finally done it, they understand their pretend world. Their life is obviously more fun and rewarding than yours could ever be.
  • Certain art will heal all.

When They Are At Their Most Dangerous:

  • The Night of The Tony’s

A Well-Mannered Grump

The Artist

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