Area Woman Whose Vagina You Decimated and Who Gave You Literal Life Receives Annual Instagram Shoutout
Ahh, Mother’s day. Mother day is a day dedicated to celebrating all the selfless acts and monuments triumphs of mothers everywhere. It is a day to show our appreciation and to reflect. It is a day to hastily take a selfie that highlights your ass more than your mother’s face and post it to Instagram.
Emily Jones, daughter to Carol Jones, gave her mother a shoutout on Instagram this morning. Emily woke her mother up, snapped a quick pic, added the caption “Yass Mom, get that beauty sleep,” and went about her day as she would any other.
When we asked Carol Jones what was going through her head as the previously mentioned events unfolded, she just shook her head and said;
“At least it’s something. I used to make my mother breakfast in bed and treat her like a queen for 24 straight hours. I guess the times have changed. I guess the appropriate way to show appreciation for someone who toted you around in their uterus for nine months and funded your college education is a tag in a post or something. I’m not exactly sure what the terminology is.”
After further questioning, it was uncovered that Carol Jones doesn’t even remember her Instagram password and hardly know how the thing works in the first place. Nonetheless, Carol pity thanked her daughter, smiled, and loved her just the same.
-A Well-Mannered Grump
by: Joe McNaney