Area Hamster Wonders How the Fuck You Like it, Huh, Punk?
Yeah, I’m a fuckin hamster. Yeah, I’m writing an article. Yeah, you’re no more free than me now HAHAHA! You apples? HOW ya like dem APPLES!
Yeah, how the fuck you like it, huh, punk? I’m here not speaking on behalf of all hamsters but all those animals kept in cages. I’m here to tear you a new one huh, buster!
My name is Hammy the hamster and I am a hamster here to make you, the recently woke to being caged up human being feel fucking terrible about yourself for keeping wild animals crammed inside cages for the last few hundred years.
Oh OH OHHH you’re sad and stuck in you’re house for 5 days and don’t want to hear it WELL TOUGH NUGGETS! You think the 100 million pigs raised for slaughter every year give a shit! You think the elephant whose lifespan is cut by 40 years because you want to see it in the Zoo gives a damn! You think MEEE, your cutie petite wittle hamster ENJOYS being put in a tiny plastic sphere in which I piss and shit while I am told to “do something buddy, do something,” huh, you think I like that PUNK!
So maybe this little social distancing, ‘shelter in place’, quarantine mumbo-jumbo can be a lesson to you inhuman life-altering monsters.
-A Well-Mannered Grump