A Description of a Studio Apartment 21 Days into Quarantine
Before we begin, I’d like to point out a flaw in the title of this piece. I am referring, of course, to the use of the word quarantine. A more appropriate title would have been “A Description of a Studio Apartment After 21 Days Practicing Social Distancing. The word quarantine was simply a highly charged buzz word meant to bait your click. Assuming you’re reading this, it seems to have proven an effective strategy. Huh, I wonder if any other news sources may be altering their headlines simply to drive traffic to their websites?
Upon opening the front door one would instantaneously be able to see every square foot of this bare-walled creaky-floored cubicle of an apartment. You would first be greeted by not one but three piles of clothes whose borders could hardly be discerned. It seemed the inhabitor of this minimalist box had developed some sort of floor-based organization system for their wardrobe. It’s worth noting that there was plenty of space for storage. It seems the inhabitor, who undoubtedly has the most time on their hands in an awfully long while choose to allocate that additional time to activities other than keeping tidy.
Other miscellaneous objects were strewn about the apartment. The inhabitor’s relationship with mess did not end at their laundry pile. The mentioned objects include but are by no means limited to, aluminum soup cans stacked on the bedside table, a bedside table covered in papers, papers with creases and stains, and stains that seemed to have come from soup. Maybe you have already but, if you haven’t, start to imagine someone in your own life that might spill and stack soup for no apparent reason. Are they made up of great intellect or are they an absolute imbecile? Now continue to ask yourself questions like this and any that may cross your mind as the details of the apartment are continued to be described.
Books on a blank coffee table, 7 books, 7 books laid out almost as if for display. Laid out for display? For whom are these books being displayed? Surly no guest. Perhaps the books were on display for the inhabitor themselves. On display as a reminder of what either they had read or what they had at one point been interested in learning. The books were mostly old and so was the coffee table that they sat upon. Milk crates were flipped over and seemed to be used for seating. Two lamps existed in the space. One on the ground next to the coffee table and the other on a desk in the corner. The desk lamp looked more like a desk lamp and the floor lamp looked more like a lamp for the floor though, it was most certainly a lamp for a table of some sort. The desk had drawers, 2 drawers, 2 draws with more papers and less organization than that which existed between the 3 piles of laundry.
Again we’re brought to the idea of time. Why, in a world where they are being told to stay home from their job, their schooling, or their whateveritmaybe is the inhabitor not finding the time to tidy up? Certainly, hygiene is of the utmost importance at a time like this, surely this would inspire a change in behavior. After a second look-over, one could hardly call the environment unhygienic, in fact, any surface one could find was crystal clear, pristine almost. There was, of course, one exception, the bathroom.
While it may feel like it, this is not a set-up nor a punchline to a joke, it is merely factual. The bathroom floor was covered in sand, sand almost three inches deep. It seems with the ability to go outside taken from them, the inhabitor has made their own beach, their own outside. Is this person a complete moron or only a partial moron? Perhaps they were merely a figment of your imagination.
There existed a small bed and an even smaller kitchen but, they seemed to be untouched. Perhaps with so much time on the inhabitor’s hands there grew too many things to do to eat or sleep.
by: Joe McNaney